Gage! by Melissa Kutcher
(to the tune of  the theme from Shaft by Isaac Hayes)

Who's the paramedic with the crooked smile?
GAGE!
Who tries to outsmart the Phantom, but fails every time?
GAGE!
Who has his blood type memorized by Rampart?
GAGE!(That's who.)
Can you dig it?
And Roy thinks Gage is a nut.
Shut your mouth!
I was talkin' about Gage!

Who hits on every nurse at Rampart?
GAGE!
Who does Cap think is a twit?
GAGE!
Who rarely gets to drive the squad?
GAGE!
Who's Boot's least favorite person?
GAGE!(That's who.)
Can you dig it?
And the chicks dig that Gage!
GAGE!
GAGE!
GAGE!